Some friends out there

Last week, I was supposed to be writing a paper on medieval femininity. My topic was attraction and repulsion to the eastern aesthetic in the Katherine Group, with focus on mythology of the medieval hybrid. I felt safe, surrounded by my books, reading about monsters and mermaids. Every now and then I read the onion and giggled.

But I was distracted. I kept going back to my last column, rereading it, memorizing it, trying to understand myself through it. I did this for hours. I'm a reserved person. Most people see me at best, stoic. But I feel deeply. I think about life every moment of every day. I have that luxury.

I wanted to be honest. I didn't want to hide behind abstraction. People will think I'm boring or melodramatic. They want Palin/Polar Bear. They don't want just me- they won't understand me. But I tried to be honest. So I read every line painstakingly.

People seemed to understand. I was so surprised and sad, because I won't be able to know these people. It's always been my problem: wanting to know people and not knowing how. I remember someone saying offhand that we all think we are so alone, so different. And that is what makes us all the same. We are collectively lonely and scared. But every now and then a connection is made and endures, anonymous.

Anyway, all I wanted to say was thank you all for giving me that.